Mediated divorces are becoming increasingly common. Many couples choose to divorce this way rather than pursue litigated divorce because mediation is typically less expensive and takes less time. If they have kids, it also is good preparation for working together as co-parents. Further, it’s a more private process, and it involves fewer court filings.
With this said, mediation isn’t right for all couples. Before you decide whether it’s right for you and your spouse, it’s important to make sure that the information you have about it is accurate. There are a number of misconceptions about mediation that are relatively pervasive. You’ll want to understand the truth before making a decision either way.
Misconception: Mediation only works for amicable divorces
Mediation can work when couples have negative feelings toward each other and even some serious conflicts – as long as they’re committed to reaching agreements they can both live with. A good mediator will help ensure that the sessions don’t devolve into arguments but remain constructive.
Mediation is not recommended, however, if there’s any kind of abuse in the relationship or the family, if there are addiction issues, narcissistic approaches and/or if one or both spouses suspects or knows the other isn’t being honest – particularly about financial matters.
Misconception: Outside guidance is discouraged
Mediators are there to help ensure that both spouses get fair agreements. That includes property division, spousal and child support and division of parenting responsibilities. Spouses using mediation can consult with their own financial, tax, real estate and other professionals. They can also get their own legal guidance.
Since Texas is a community property state, division of assets and debts is typically more cut-and-dried than it would be in a state that uses the equitable division model. Studies have shown, however, that there’s not a significant difference in asset division approaches in mediated divorces than litigated ones.
Misconception: Once you start mediation, you can’t stop and move to a litigated divorce
If mediation isn’t working, a couple can end it and pursue a litigated divorce at any time. However, the more you know what to expect – and not expect – before you decide on mediation, the better your chances are that it will work for you.